I just wrote a nice little introduction to you people, and lost it. It was all this diipadaapa about me being lost. Trying to find myself. So maybe better it got lost. Now, straight to the business.

I ´m a lost soul. Damn, it started again that way. Well, it must be true then. Ok, i admit it: i am a lost soul. Real lost. Got to say, that i might not look like a lost soul. But i do feel that something there is missing in me. And i have been thinking about it what could it be. I think i now.

I know i´m lacking self confidence. That´s leading me to hard situations. It usually has something to do with other people and they hurting my feelings. Hurting my feelings isn´t too hard actually. And i can understand that it´s hard for people around me, when they always need to think about what they say and do if they don´t want to hurt me.

Lately everything has gone much worse. At the moment i am so very vulnerable and hurty. Every little thing feels like crushing my world. I know that this point of my life is really tough, so i can console myself with the thought that this might go over. :) Still i hope i won´t lose all my friends before that.

Have you people talked to your friends about your problems? How did you succeed, and what was the outcome? I told about my feelings to a couple of my closest friends, and i feel  that they have just frustrated in me. And what they basically did to kind-of-help-me, was that they said a should go and talk to someone who could help me. It´s not a bad idea at all, but i feel that they are fed up with me and rather not want to spend their time on me. And i actually feel that all these feelings have started from how they have been treating me; i feel like i have been left outside. And specially now they know how i feel, they still don´t have the slightest intention to do anything for me. I guess i sound like one frustrating, selfish girl... And well yes, i might be one for the moment. But i don´t consider myself really selfish usually, and i feel that if i only knew that some of my friends would feel the way i do, i would do anything to help her out of it. But i feel that my friends don´t want to spend their time on me.

Is the backup from a friend too much to ask? Is it me that is asking for too much or is it the peoples´attitudes that are at today´s world too selfish? I mean, i could tell to my friends how i was feeling. It was hard, i couldn´t do it just like that, and i hoped that they would have seen the troubles from me without me having to tell about them. Anyway, the feelings inside me grew too big, and i had to let them out. And i hoped for help, i really asked for help. And it wasn´t easy. The help i got, was that they literally called me a weight on their shoulders, and they adviced me the go and talk to someone. They did not say that i do mean a lot to them, they did not say that i could call them always if  i felt bad, they did not come to me and hug me and say that i am something to them. They told that it is too much to ask to help me, that they have their troubles too. And that´s exactly were i am so, so lost now! Is it me who´s asking too much? Is it me who´s wrong at this thing? In a way it would be a relief to hear that it´s me- i could try to change myself. But i just feel that friends are also there because they help you when you are havin´g hard times...